Two weeks into 2010 - Day 14.
Today was just busy.
From the moment I reached my desk to the moment I walked away - and still busy when I got home.
Busy.
Not just busy with things to do, but busy with my mind - lots of thinking happening.
Busy.
Just one of those kind of days.
Too bad busyness is not godliness!
Busy.
Spoke to Bruce in Germany; spoke to Ben in Kenya; spoke to Raymond in Britain; spoke to Ann in my office.
Watched images of Haiti.
Busy - read first hand accounts, watched CCTV footage of the quake actually happening, read requests for help from various Christian relief organizations.
Can't imagine how busy relief staff must be. Can't imagine how busy people helping on the ground in Haiti must be.
Busy.
Makes you ask questions about what my busy has accomplished.
Spinning wheels, pushing paper, putting out fires, endless genealogies?
Busy.
Did I feel what I did today mattered, added worth or value?
Busy.
Busy for good, or busy just being busy?
Busy.
Wonder if people would say Jesus was busy.
Did he rush, multitask, always have something to do, somebody to see?
I'm not for one minute thinking his busy wasn't good busy; and I'm sure his busy was always productive, always adding value.
Busy.
Is my restlessness about my busy day - because I think it wasn't productive, or of value; or, is it because I don't have much to show for my busy; or, and I think this is the one - my busy has stopped me from being who i most need to be on a Thursday?
Thursday is the day before I write.
It's a day when I need to be creative.
Busy and creative are contradictions (for me).
The busy I needed to be was a busy that included solace, quiet, space. That kind of busy didn't show up today.
So I finish frustrated. I was busy, even adding value busy - but what my busy needed to deliver, didn't deliver ...and that means tomorrow is another busy day.
and in that busy ......here's hoping some of it, if not all of it - was for God's Glory ......in my intentional busy.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Day 13 - inequilibrium.
Day 13.....and thanks for the concern over my neck. Doing remarkably well - the fear of another 'man massage' is obviously working!
Strange day.
I found myself travelling back from Sacramento without my usual music or teaching CD's playing but rather contemplating and thinking in silence. Ended up humming the tune to the simple song "Count your Blessings", a song I grew up with. The lyrics include:
"Count your blessings;
name them one by one;
and it will surprise you
what the Lord has done."
So I did. This was my intentional follow of Jesus today.
I began to recount the multiple ways that God today blessed me - breath to breathe; food to eat; safety as I drove the mad CA-99 (although I must admit I look nervously in my rearview mirror at every stop light!); ability to think and engage in good discussions; car to drive; family to return to; health; great colleagues; and many more.
Wow - how many days am I too busy or distracted to fail to see all that God has done. Great little song.
But then as I sang the song and thanked God for His blessings it hit me hard that my mind was on this simple song - on the same day that thousands of Haitians felt as though God was nowhere and had withdrawn His blessings. A 7.0 earthquake and millions homeless, injured and thousands dead.
Fortunately, our friend Lucson who lives in Haiti is safe - but as I sang about God's blessings I struggled to thank Him for my blessings as I cried out to Him to help Haiti.
I head to bed still processing this.
The inequilibrium of reality. The tension of faith that this creates. The surrender through mixed/confused emotions to a God who is bigger than me.
I know I can through a theology around this tension - but my theological theory seems so inadequate ...and so for me the tension remains.
I end the day wondering why that song came to my mind on such a dreadful day.
In faith and sadness I surrender Haiti to God, as well as my tension.
Strange day.
I found myself travelling back from Sacramento without my usual music or teaching CD's playing but rather contemplating and thinking in silence. Ended up humming the tune to the simple song "Count your Blessings", a song I grew up with. The lyrics include:
"Count your blessings;
name them one by one;
and it will surprise you
what the Lord has done."
So I did. This was my intentional follow of Jesus today.
I began to recount the multiple ways that God today blessed me - breath to breathe; food to eat; safety as I drove the mad CA-99 (although I must admit I look nervously in my rearview mirror at every stop light!); ability to think and engage in good discussions; car to drive; family to return to; health; great colleagues; and many more.
Wow - how many days am I too busy or distracted to fail to see all that God has done. Great little song.
But then as I sang the song and thanked God for His blessings it hit me hard that my mind was on this simple song - on the same day that thousands of Haitians felt as though God was nowhere and had withdrawn His blessings. A 7.0 earthquake and millions homeless, injured and thousands dead.
Fortunately, our friend Lucson who lives in Haiti is safe - but as I sang about God's blessings I struggled to thank Him for my blessings as I cried out to Him to help Haiti.
I head to bed still processing this.
The inequilibrium of reality. The tension of faith that this creates. The surrender through mixed/confused emotions to a God who is bigger than me.
I know I can through a theology around this tension - but my theological theory seems so inadequate ...and so for me the tension remains.
I end the day wondering why that song came to my mind on such a dreadful day.
In faith and sadness I surrender Haiti to God, as well as my tension.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Day 12 - no swearing allowed.
Day 12 sees me not swear!
I guess that's an intentional step in following Jesus.
Now I don't swear normally - except to shock my mother in law - always fun to drop in a risky on the edge kinda word around "mom" .....confirms everything she warned Carolyn about before we got married. But I don't normally swear.
I can remember twice when something slipped out.
Once I had been painting our boys bedroom (next to yard work painting is my idea of punishment) and as we neared the end of a long day the ladder and my paint tin fell and something came out that shouldn't have - and two small kids were standing at the doorway rather shocked.
The second time was also with my boys. This time they weren't little. I had jumped in Daniel's truck to move it and in his stereo was music with some bad lyrics on it. I grabbed the CD and waited. Came home from work the next day and to the absolute shock of both our boys and my wife I told them I had had a @#@#@#@ bad day ...and then continued to use this particular explicit 4 or 5 more times - with eyeballs now popping out of everyones heads wondering what had happened. I then said "I assume the F-word is OK in our family because I heard it in our truck last night!" The tactic worked and regret was expressed and iPods were cleared of any other junk!
Today swearing was back on the agenda - my whiplash from yesterday now needed physiotherapy .....aaargh!!!!!!
With his elbow digging into my back he did me in. Kneading and deep tissue massaging - he hurt me ......but I did not swear - not even in the inside!!!!
Yep - it might be a small win, but it was a win for sanctification and something deeper going on inside of me.
As for the neck ....endured a 3 hour drive to Sacramento - prayer, physio and 500mg of something powerful!!
I guess that's an intentional step in following Jesus.
Now I don't swear normally - except to shock my mother in law - always fun to drop in a risky on the edge kinda word around "mom" .....confirms everything she warned Carolyn about before we got married. But I don't normally swear.
I can remember twice when something slipped out.
Once I had been painting our boys bedroom (next to yard work painting is my idea of punishment) and as we neared the end of a long day the ladder and my paint tin fell and something came out that shouldn't have - and two small kids were standing at the doorway rather shocked.
The second time was also with my boys. This time they weren't little. I had jumped in Daniel's truck to move it and in his stereo was music with some bad lyrics on it. I grabbed the CD and waited. Came home from work the next day and to the absolute shock of both our boys and my wife I told them I had had a @#@#@#@ bad day ...and then continued to use this particular explicit 4 or 5 more times - with eyeballs now popping out of everyones heads wondering what had happened. I then said "I assume the F-word is OK in our family because I heard it in our truck last night!" The tactic worked and regret was expressed and iPods were cleared of any other junk!
Today swearing was back on the agenda - my whiplash from yesterday now needed physiotherapy .....aaargh!!!!!!
With his elbow digging into my back he did me in. Kneading and deep tissue massaging - he hurt me ......but I did not swear - not even in the inside!!!!
Yep - it might be a small win, but it was a win for sanctification and something deeper going on inside of me.
As for the neck ....endured a 3 hour drive to Sacramento - prayer, physio and 500mg of something powerful!!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Day 11 - perspective is important.
Day 11 - and my spirituality was sorely tested, literally.
We have a staff policy - male staff and female staff cannot travel together in the same car if only two of them. Kenya planning lunch at Costa Dorada with some other Kenya trekkers saw me head there driving ahead of our Media Arts Director in her raised, bigger than anyone needs F150 truck. Boom ....truck hits 1991 van, only one winner.....and my precious van driven from Chicago has not only now no windows that work, no AC that works - but now no tailgate that works and no rear window either!
As for my neck - ouch it doesn't work now either.
So much for our policy aimed at protecting!
My spiritual test of the day - keep things in perspective.
So after still doing Kenyan planning lunch; and after sweeping the glass away and having help from others to put nice plastic over the large hole in the rear of my van, and some pretty red stuff to make my lights legal...I headed out to a leadership group talking about new perspective .....the new postmodern reality of society around us.
Spiritual intentionality of the day apart from keeping things in perspective - make sure our faith is asking the right questions. Failure to ask questions, failure to question everything makes for weak following of Christ who himself questioned everything.
Perspective - its only an old van.
Perspective - its bringing the right Christ rightly to the real reality.
Away to bed with ice on my neck.
We have a staff policy - male staff and female staff cannot travel together in the same car if only two of them. Kenya planning lunch at Costa Dorada with some other Kenya trekkers saw me head there driving ahead of our Media Arts Director in her raised, bigger than anyone needs F150 truck. Boom ....truck hits 1991 van, only one winner.....and my precious van driven from Chicago has not only now no windows that work, no AC that works - but now no tailgate that works and no rear window either!
As for my neck - ouch it doesn't work now either.
So much for our policy aimed at protecting!
My spiritual test of the day - keep things in perspective.
So after still doing Kenyan planning lunch; and after sweeping the glass away and having help from others to put nice plastic over the large hole in the rear of my van, and some pretty red stuff to make my lights legal...I headed out to a leadership group talking about new perspective .....the new postmodern reality of society around us.
Spiritual intentionality of the day apart from keeping things in perspective - make sure our faith is asking the right questions. Failure to ask questions, failure to question everything makes for weak following of Christ who himself questioned everything.
Perspective - its only an old van.
Perspective - its bringing the right Christ rightly to the real reality.
Away to bed with ice on my neck.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Day 10 - I've done absolutely nothing.
Day 10.
So if you listened to my preach this morning and decided to check out my daily blog -welcome, and today's underpants were also made in Honduras ('cos they're the same pair as the other day - freshly washed!)
Sunday. Preached on the Ritual of Altar Making. Came home.
Felt like a simple preach with not great theological content - but if people grasped that maybe if they stopped / slowed down to build the altar/memorial that in itself could be the best help they give their spiritual formation in 2010.
Or ...maybe I'm trying to justify the stopping I've done all afternoon. Discovered Yogurt Coated Raspberry Liquorice from Australia (via Target) and ate the whole packet as I played on my Netbook and finished off watching Kelly's Heroes 40th anniversary showing (a young Clint Eastwood and Kiefer Sutherland's dad!) I've done nothing all afternoon.
The Sabbath principle is "stopping" principle. A day of stopping, doing nothing, and reminding yourself that the world is still spinning; sun rising, sun setting etc, etc .....and your stopping reminds you that you have absolutely no role in it. You are stopped - producing nothing - and eac Shabbath is God's way of helping you and me have an honest appreciation of who we are and more importantly who we aren't.
Yep - my intentional Christ following today was to do nothing!!
So if you listened to my preach this morning and decided to check out my daily blog -welcome, and today's underpants were also made in Honduras ('cos they're the same pair as the other day - freshly washed!)
Sunday. Preached on the Ritual of Altar Making. Came home.
Felt like a simple preach with not great theological content - but if people grasped that maybe if they stopped / slowed down to build the altar/memorial that in itself could be the best help they give their spiritual formation in 2010.
Or ...maybe I'm trying to justify the stopping I've done all afternoon. Discovered Yogurt Coated Raspberry Liquorice from Australia (via Target) and ate the whole packet as I played on my Netbook and finished off watching Kelly's Heroes 40th anniversary showing (a young Clint Eastwood and Kiefer Sutherland's dad!) I've done nothing all afternoon.
The Sabbath principle is "stopping" principle. A day of stopping, doing nothing, and reminding yourself that the world is still spinning; sun rising, sun setting etc, etc .....and your stopping reminds you that you have absolutely no role in it. You are stopped - producing nothing - and eac Shabbath is God's way of helping you and me have an honest appreciation of who we are and more importantly who we aren't.
Yep - my intentional Christ following today was to do nothing!!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Day 9 - what I didn't do.
Day 9. Saturday. The day before I preach. Does my intentionality today make a difference tomorrow?
Boys at winter camp so a date Saturday with Carolyn. Nice.
Bible study with some guys at 7am - that's devoted living.
Clean my office - a late new year task.
Watch Man Utd draw with Birmingham City - both managers old friends - unsure who I wanted to win.
Went to Fresno.
Held doors open for people at shops - but that's just mannerly.
Washed my hands after being at the restroom - in the minority but that's just the way my mother raised me.
Ate healthy at Panera Bread - that's just sensible.
Watched a clean movie "Leap Year" - why do the Yanks like the Irish so much - it could easily have been set in Scotland - looks exactly like Ireland - but with less Guinness.
But when you add it up - been mannerly, hygienic, healthy and careful - but so are hundreds of other people who don't claim to follow Christ.
What have I done today to help me follow Christ?
I guess its perhaps best today seen in what I didn't do. The sins I didn't commit. And maybe somedays that it. Yep its better to do things, but somedays it not maybe the doing, but what you didn't do.
I didn't cuss. I didn't cheat. I wasn't a sloth. I wasn't a glutton. I didn't lie etc, etc.
Today was a quiet, honest day - enjoying some down time with my wife and doing it simply and honestly.
Maybe tomorrow it will be a big doing day - but today .....I'm signing off on a day when what I didn't do was important.
Boys at winter camp so a date Saturday with Carolyn. Nice.
Bible study with some guys at 7am - that's devoted living.
Clean my office - a late new year task.
Watch Man Utd draw with Birmingham City - both managers old friends - unsure who I wanted to win.
Went to Fresno.
Held doors open for people at shops - but that's just mannerly.
Washed my hands after being at the restroom - in the minority but that's just the way my mother raised me.
Ate healthy at Panera Bread - that's just sensible.
Watched a clean movie "Leap Year" - why do the Yanks like the Irish so much - it could easily have been set in Scotland - looks exactly like Ireland - but with less Guinness.
But when you add it up - been mannerly, hygienic, healthy and careful - but so are hundreds of other people who don't claim to follow Christ.
What have I done today to help me follow Christ?
I guess its perhaps best today seen in what I didn't do. The sins I didn't commit. And maybe somedays that it. Yep its better to do things, but somedays it not maybe the doing, but what you didn't do.
I didn't cuss. I didn't cheat. I wasn't a sloth. I wasn't a glutton. I didn't lie etc, etc.
Today was a quiet, honest day - enjoying some down time with my wife and doing it simply and honestly.
Maybe tomorrow it will be a big doing day - but today .....I'm signing off on a day when what I didn't do was important.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Day 8 - my underpants are bothering me even more!
Day 8 - the start of my second week and my underpants book is messing with my brain.
Say I agree with all he's saying (thanks Kelsey for blogging back to me) and my underpants were made in a sweat shop by a 9 year old getting 10cents a day - should I stop buying them; should I start a petition to have them pay the kids a decent wage; should I start a petition to have them stop using kids to make them; should I stop wearing underpants!!
What do you do with the knowledge you gain?
Say I read 5 books a months - 60 books a year and I gain vast amount of new, knowledge - what do I do with it all?
Take the underpants issue. We help children in Kenya, Guatemala, Tijuana - are we really helping them? Kelsey Timmerman raises this question in his book - child labor is wrong, but with the money they make they keep a family so do we stop child labor and make more families go hungry or do we fight for better rights - which more often than not don't happen and the kid is out of a job .....what does justice look like that helps the child?
Intentional following Jesus action of Day 8 - cry out to God for wisdom.
I just don't have the answer and this book (along with other thougths and reading I'm doing) are causing me endless questions - but questions that in 2010 I must find an answer for. So my only deliberate action today "God, help me; give me wisdom that you promise in James 1; help me know the best course of action not only with my underpants but with When I Grow Up and our children's charity (www.whenigrowup-global.com)."
Say I agree with all he's saying (thanks Kelsey for blogging back to me) and my underpants were made in a sweat shop by a 9 year old getting 10cents a day - should I stop buying them; should I start a petition to have them pay the kids a decent wage; should I start a petition to have them stop using kids to make them; should I stop wearing underpants!!
What do you do with the knowledge you gain?
Say I read 5 books a months - 60 books a year and I gain vast amount of new, knowledge - what do I do with it all?
Take the underpants issue. We help children in Kenya, Guatemala, Tijuana - are we really helping them? Kelsey Timmerman raises this question in his book - child labor is wrong, but with the money they make they keep a family so do we stop child labor and make more families go hungry or do we fight for better rights - which more often than not don't happen and the kid is out of a job .....what does justice look like that helps the child?
Intentional following Jesus action of Day 8 - cry out to God for wisdom.
I just don't have the answer and this book (along with other thougths and reading I'm doing) are causing me endless questions - but questions that in 2010 I must find an answer for. So my only deliberate action today "God, help me; give me wisdom that you promise in James 1; help me know the best course of action not only with my underpants but with When I Grow Up and our children's charity (www.whenigrowup-global.com)."
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